Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, S02E02 episode recap

Man, this was a hard episode to watch. The dancers all did so poorly, and everyone was so mean to them. It got to the point where I was kind of relieved when we hit a commercial break, because at least no one would be crying or yelling.

This week's theme was "Lady Gaga," and it was all about individuality. Express your individuality! But in the right way! And not with your feet pointed like that! And also perfectly in time with the other dancers! WHY ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE WITH THIS. STOP CRYING.

We began with a group challenge choreographed by Richy called "Dare to be You." Jojo was the first one tapped out, due to being completely out of sync with everyone else. Gianna won the challenge due mainly to being the least objectionable of the entire group. But then her mother stepped on stage in flip flops and Abby Lee Miller pitched a fit.

On the one hand, I felt like Abby was overstepping her bounds. On the other hand, who wears flip flops on national television?

The dancers broke into duos and trios for the challenge. I wish we could have seen more about what went into getting them in those costumes. How long does it take to glue that many rhinestones to your face so that they don't sweat off? This week's costumes were awesome and hilarious and weird and I loved them, but I was very glad that I was not the one who had to wear them.

Ally and Kalani did a number called "Piano Passion." I didn't really get the "piano" part of the routine, except that the back part of the stage contained a structure painted to resemble piano keys.

Trinity and Gianna did "Two Sides of a Star." I thought this routine worked the best out of all the ones we saw tonight, although it was also the one that least resembled anything that Lady Gaga would actually do, so.

Travis, Jojo, and Tyler did "Addicted to Shopping." This one was puzzling in a way that Lady Gaga's routines often are, so that's a success I guess. Jojo looked more like Ke$ha than Lady Gaga, but what do I know.

Haley, Chloey, and Mackalee did "Bleeding Heart," which had a heart, and also they wore recording studio headphones and were leashed to the heart with thick black strands of tape. (???)

At the end of the episode, Abby cracked down on the trio (Haley, Chloe, and Mackaylee) because they all made and held these hard "Grawrrr!" faces for their entire number. Abby didn't feel it was appropriate for "a dance that came out of a heart." (Abby didn't comment on whether or not the facial expressions were appropriate for a dance that involved recording studio headphones.) She also didn't feel that it was a Lady Gaga-ish thing to do. Abby demanded answers! WHY YOU DO THIS THING.

And I'm like, what about the individuality portion of the evening? Wasn't that the point of the whole thing? So, like… you make a rule and then get mad when people try to follow it?

Ugh I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it.

In Abby's defense, the dancers were all pretty terrible. Even I could see the mistakes, and trust me, I know nothing. The other judges agreed. The final judging basically came down to "Who do we dislike least?" And then the girl they disliked the least (Chloe) got emotional but tried to keep a brave face - chin up, lip trembling - which was heartbreaking to watch - and Richy broke down and used his magic Callback Card to save her for next week. So even though everyone turned in an abysmal performance, no one got sent home. Huh.

Worst Thing Said by a Mom Award goes to Haley's mom Melanie. When Abby demanded of the dancers, "Who told you to make those faces?" Melanie stepped out on stage and ratted out Shari. That's cold, man. Real cold.

Worst Thing Said By Abby Award: this one's an easy decision. That would be the time she explained that Jojo should be sent to public school so that she could endure some bullying and humiliation in order to teach her to "keep her mouth shut." It's not often you see someone endorse bullying as a means for personal growth and behavioral control. Especially not someone who's in charge of children. I get that Jojo can be pretty annoying but yikes.

Image copyright Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition/Lifetime