Unattained bucket list items

One of the glaring items left on my bucket list is getting married to my best friend. As a 25 year-old male, I’m not entirely concerned with this item, because I continuously remind myself I’m too young to get married. But, also as a 25 year-old male, I am starting to find a lot more friends who are married, in committed relationships, or further along the love train than myself. I guess for me it’s easy to see someone who is in school or starting on their career, in a better position to find someone than a person who is currently traveling and actively pursuing ways to continue the vagabond lifestyle (cup cake engineer on a cruise boat).

The thing about this particular item is, it seems as if it’s completely out of my hands. It is something I definitely want to check off the list, but it isn’t something one can really lay groundwork for, at least not entirely. I know there are people who are constantly looking to go on dates. Internet dating has become huge for people of all ages, and though I’m a big proponent for it, I guess that avenue just isn’t for me at the moment. I find myself believing one can’t force love. I guess I just don’t know what tangible work toward something so intangible really looks like?

After much deliberation, I’ve decided to continue to pursue this bucket list item, the only real avenue is to work on myself and become the best person I can be. I can look back on past relationships, and see some of my pitfalls, trying to curb where those came from. This, of course, can permeate to any experience in life that hasn’t ended exactly as planned. Most of all, though, I need to become the person I believe I was put on this earth to become. Often times people use relationships as a crutch and never develop into what or who they want to be. They use it as a way to put dreams aside, and take on the life that is created by their “other half.” This is not what I want out of a relationship.

On the road I’ve had the opportunity to meet many couples. It’s almost been like a Dr. Seuss book actually. Some are old, some are young, some are new, some have been together for years. From meeting all these couples, and secretly wallowing in jealousy, it is easy to see which have put in the work in their own lives, before putting in the work to create something with someone else (on that note, it’s also easy to see who will last, and who will inevitably break up in a drunken stupor at a Full Moon Party).

I think my overall thesis is this: To be able to love someone fully, you need to be able to love yourself. You can’t serve others, until you know how to serve your own soul. I read a book called The Velvet Elvis awhile back and though I don’t remember much, I do remember a scene set on rooftop. The main character is talking with his friend who just got married, and the friend talks about how relationships don’t make you as a person, they are complementary to who you are. Finding the perfect spouse may change you some, and will definitely help you grow, but you can’t depend on just a relationship to define you. This, my friends, is the message that keeps me traveling and living life, believing I’m on the right route to knock meeting my counterpart off the bucket list.

Image courtesy of The Calm Space