Time to grow up

At the ripe age of 26, I really don’t find myself as an adult. Sure, if I talk to a kid still in any part of their education besides a PhD program they may think my many years on the earth dub me an “adult,” but the truth is I’m poor, traveling and currently using WiFi at a McDonald’s to find where I can car camp for free in Australia.

With that being said though, 20s and beyond are definitely a good time to get over some bad habits. We may not be full blown adults, but we aren't kids. Being self-sustainable is a good thing, but being tolerable and actually contributing to society is even better. Below is a list of things 20-somethings and beyond really need to stop doing.

Continuing to think your parents clean up after you: At some point, you are going to leave the nest. When said moment comes, you are going to find out that the things that magically happened when you lived with your loving and caring parents don’t happen anymore. The dishes you would leave in odd paces around the house actually stay there, and on top of not magically making it to the kitchen, they also stay dirty. While most people will learn a harsh reality from the first time they move out and live with people who used to be friends, not everyone does. The dishes don’t do themselves. On top of that, toilet seats don’t magically stave off poorly aimed urine (they don’t magically flush either!), hair doesn't dissolve in the sink and for God’s sake, toilet paper doesn't replenish itself. Don’t be that guy or gal. Learn to clean up after yourself.

Not knowing how to share: Though this lesson is taught in kindergarten, some people even into adulthood don’t know how to put in practice. Share! It is that simple. If you have something, and there are people around you, offer it to them. You will still get to use what you have, or indulge in what you have, but now others will too. This act increases net happiness exponentially. Having things is great, but with things and objects comes responsibility. Share what you have and make the world a better place to be in.

Being defensive: This is a tough one. Everyone has the capability to get too defensive. I sure as hell know I do. The fact is, though, being defensive only makes matters worse. Having conversations about tough topics is already awkward, so why make it worse by immediately fighting whatever has been said? If you want to learn to live among others, grow and take responsibility, ditch the defense.

Being passive aggressive: Along the same lines, being passive aggressive is the ABSOLUTE worst way to approach conflict. Conflict sucks. No one enjoys conflict, but the fact is, some people know how to deal with it. Instead of doing things to piss someone off who has some how wronged you, learn to use your words. Telling people when they offended you, hurt you, or even just did something you don’t really like lays the groundwork for avoiding massive conflict. Being passive aggressive leads to built up feelings which, at some point, overflow and spill into something massive. Take the time right here, right now, to talk to a person who has wronged you, instead of the silly things you are doing to try and get them to realize they've hurt you.

Apologies: This one goes both ways. As an adult, you are either going to wrong or be wronged by someone. People are volatile. We make mistakes, we get angry and we let our emotions run wild. Because of our insurmountable list of flaws, we are inevitably going to piss someone off. With that being said, we can either get defensive when we are told we did something wrong, or we can learn to apologize. A sincere apology is something that the world is seemingly trying to phase out, though it can make a world of difference. Learning to hear out someone telling you you've done wrong and apologize for said act will brighten the day of those around you, while revamping your relationships. On the same note, if someone wrongs you, you need to learn to accept apologies. This simple act can counter any amount of defense and passive aggression.

Falling back on childhood trauma: This is by far the toughest one on the list. While we all have things from our past that have defined our future, at some point we need to get over them. I’ll be the first to admit that some people have seen some far worse things than other people. Childhood trauma, though, is something that can’t be an excuse forever. I’m not saying it doesn't hurt for a lifetime, but as an excuse it won’t always fly in school, the workforce, of if it is a big enough demon, in the court system. Learning to move on and triumph over the ghosts of your past is the most necessary step to becoming an adult.

One person who is a great influence for this is best-selling author Ishmael Beah. Beah wrote a book chronicling his time as a child solider in Serra Leone called, A Long Way Gone, and now makes his living helping people move on from their past. One of the points he puts forth is that even though objectively one person’s struggle may seem worse than another, a person’s most difficult demon to face is absolutely subjective. If a man who was forced into war as a tender youth can move on, I believe that any demon can be overcome.

Photos courtesy of the Conversation and A Long Way Gone