The Trouble with Movies - Part I

This week, instead of reviewing a movie I decided to address an issue that is very important to me - the things that Hollywood movies keep doing that are just ridiculous and annoying.  And though there are many of these things, I have chosen three to keep it simple.  Read on and learn how, in my opinion, movies could be made so much better if Hollywood directors just abandoned some antiquated principles that, when used today, do nothing other than make the movie look amateur.

Number One - If it’s off-camera it doesn’t exist

One of the things that has always tweaked my nipples about movies is when someone approaches off-camera and, in a miraculous reveal, shows up in the nick of time to punch/shoot/surprise someone that should have seen them coming.  Sure, you can only do so much with the frame you have to work with, but the idea of someone simply popping into existence due to the fact that the camera settles on them is ludicrous.  We have “our hero” in a precarious situation and it looks like nothing can save them, but lo-and-behold, here is someone that should have been seen a mile away, just showing up to save the day.  Does no one in movies have any peripheral vision?  Do they just not pay attention to their surroundings?  Or are filmmakers so lazy that they can’t think of a better way to resolve this?  I’m voting the latter.  Please, Hollywood, stop treating people as if they don’t understand the concept of the third dimension.

Number Two - Gravity is irrelevant

Every time I see someone ride a horse off of a cliff and land it on a speeding train (yes, I’m looking at you Jerry Bruckheimer), I cringe.  There is this little thing called gravity that affects the way the world works and while the urge to ignore it is great, ultimately it’s just an excuse to do things the lazy way.  It looks really good on camera, you say?  Yeah, but you can do an equally interesting action scene while still adhering to the laws of physics.  James Bond can jump from an airplane to land on another airplane, because he’s awesome and we can at least get a little bit into the suspension of disbelief.  But people can not jump from one speeding car to the next across a ten foot gap.  Most people went to school, so these concepts are ingrained within us and to see them repeatedly abused on the big screen in painful at the least.

Number Three - Guns are fkn useless

No matter how many movies I watch, I’m always amazed when the army of bad guys fires ten-thousand rounds at the hero, who happens to be in plain sight, and misses every single fkn time.  Who hires these people?  Why are thugs and other baddies not trained to use their weapons?  Considering the level of their incompetence at shooting, it seems as if they would barely be able to find the trigger on a gun, let alone aim it and fire at the hero.  Please stop doing this!  Find clever ways for the heroes to avoid being shot and stop relying on the poor marksmanship skills of the enemies.  Yeah, it’s hard to fire out of a moving vehicle so I can see this.  But when it’s a veritable firing squad laying down a rain of bullets on a guy trying to run across an open field?  It’s just lazy folks.  Realize that and change for the better.  We’re not making 80s action flicks anymore.  The bar has been raised.

Photo Credits -           

Horse jump courtesy of lostinthemultiplex.com