Review: The Eternal: Kiss of the Mummy (1998)

Originally titled Trance during its actual big screen release, I stumbled upon this mess of a film on the Netflix and, upon seen Christopher Walken’s name in the credits, decided that it might be worth a watch.  Now, I am beginning to suspect that the name was changed to The Eternal for its DVD release because no one would have bought the thing if it was associated with its original name.  Still, I watched it and so now I will review it.  Stick around if you dare.

The movie starts out with some vague narrative from a little girl.  She explains a little of what’s going on, but it really doesn’t help with understanding the rest of the film.  Enter the main character, Nora.  She’s an Irish girl, relocated to America, now married with a kid.  She and her husband also happen to be big drinkers.  One party night, Nora has a vision, just as vague as the little girl’s narrative.  Then she falls down some stairs.  This also happens to coincide with a trip the family will be taking back to Ireland to visit Nora’s dying grandmother.

Once in Ireland, Nora has another vision and crashes the family car.  They make it to her uncle’s house, where grandma is living.  They hang out with the uncle (Walken) and eventually he brings Nora down into the basement where he’s keeping a 2000-year-old mummified druid lady.  He has figured out how to revive the mummy and it requires Nora.  The mummy eventually comes awake, kills uncle in short order and then tries to take over Nora’s body in order to become alive once more.

Since the mummy looks just like Nora, people get confused.  And then people fall down some more stairs.  Seriously, the stairs in this movie are almost as dangerous as the mummy lady.  Luckily, everyone is built like an early American car so no one actually gets hurt from falling down the stairs.

So once it is discovered that the mummy is the mummy and not Nora, the fight is on.  An ex of Nora’s shows up and gets killed.  Then some random-ass people come crashing through the window with weapons and save the rest of them.  Then the mummy gets back up because there’s only a certain way to kill it.  With grandma’s help, they figure out what that way is and everyone lives happily ever after (except for all the people that died).

This movie is so forgettable that I am forgetting it even as I type.  The director does use an interesting approach with regards to the cinematography and lighting making the film reminiscent of something from the late 70s/early 80s, which is kinda cool.  But the script is pure, unadulterated junk.  Coupled with acting that looks like it was all done in one take, for better or for worse, the movie is fairly painful to watch.  Even Walken can’t save this one with his charms, especially considering he’s in the film all of 20 minutes.  Can someone say “quick paycheck”?

I recommend that you stay as far away from this one as possible.  There’s a reason that Rotten Tomatoes has it sitting at 33% (from both critics and viewers alike).  If you enjoy long trips to the dentist without anesthesia, however, you may actually get a kick out of The Eternal, or Trance, or whatever they’re calling it nowadays.

The Eternal courtesy of mubi.com