Review: Branded (2012)

Sitting down at my Netflix the other day, I decided to watch whatever I could find that I hadn’t already seen and still carried the genre of “sci-fi”.  I came across a movie called Branded.  As I sat through the first half of the film, I wondered at why they could even try to call this sci-fi.  By the end of the flick, I was scratching my head with all the weird crap that had just gone on.

The story revolves mainly around a Russian marketer, Misha.  Working horrible jobs and about to get offed by the Russian mob for not being able to pay his debts, he gets recruited by an American spy agency to keep an eye on the rich and famous, via marketing, as democracy grows in the post-Soviet country.  He ends up being very successful in that regard, catapulting many brands to fame.  But one thing leads to another and a string of bad luck means hard times for Misha and his partner/lover, Abby.

Next, we find Misha herding cows in the wilderness.  Abby tracks him down to see what has become of him and finds a man completely in fear of the world.  While she is there, Misha has a vision of talking stars in the shape of a cow.  They tell him to build a structure and perform an ancient pagan ritual.  The result, Misha now has the ability to see things that others can’t.

Return to the city, Misha and Abby and the child that Misha never knew he had.  But now our marketing genius can see the life behind the brands themselves.  Want a hamburger?  That’s because there’s some sort of strange demon possessing you that demands hamburger relief.  When the hamburger is consumed, the demon calms down and heads off to join with its ever-growing parent, a giant evil clown thing living atop the city buildings.  In order to combat these strange creatures, Misha uses his marketing skills to promote new brands and run the others out of business.

This movie is, to say the least, very odd.  There’s a lot to be said about the power of marketing on human desires and the execution is very original.  Unfortunately, the complete picture is a little scattered.  It felt as if the editing was random in parts and characters (aside from Misha) seem to change in ways that aren’t depicted within the film.  I can genuinely say I like Branded, but most of that was the novelty factor.

I don’t think this movie deserves the horrible 10/24% rating it received at Rotten Tomatoes, as I have seen much worse get much higher.  It is, however, a movie that only those who like to watch seriously bizarre films will enjoy fully.  It almost reminds me in a way of David Cronenberg, albeit without the heavy focus on characters.  If you want something to watch that will twist your mind a bit and don’t mind being confused in the process, check Branded out.  Otherwise, stick to normal movies.

Photo Credits -           

Branded courtesy of io9.com