Non-Traditional Christmas Flicks
If you’re like me, you’re not that into the whole “holiday spirit” thing. I’ve had my fill of cute little CGI critters running around getting in all sorts of Christmas adventures. If I were Ebenezer Scrooge, I would have called the cops on those ghosts the moment they trespassed on my property. I give less than a crap whether some angel gets his wings or not. And my biggest complaint about A Christmas Story is that no kid ever really got their eye shot out. Sure, I have a son and I’ve gone through a lot of the typical Christmas rubbish, but he’s old enough now to where I can revert to my true self - a crotchety, pushing-40 individual that only remembers Christmas as the day when you can’t get any cigarettes because the damned corner store is closed.
So to celebrate my lack of enthusiasm, I’m sharing a list of some Christmas-themed films that are on my list to watch during the holidays. Some of them are appropriate for kids, others are not. All of them have happy endings in one way or another - they are, after all, still Christmas movies despite not being on the traditional Christmas movie viewing list. So scroll down to see what I’ll be popping into my DVD player come December 25th.
Bad Santa (2003) -
By far one of my favorite Christmas offerings, Bad Santa features a cynical, alcoholic, sexually deviant Billy Bob Thornton that robs places on Christmas. He poses as Santa, his partner poses as an elf, and together they case out department stores. But ol’ Santa runs into a lonely little kid and ends up feeling sorry for him. In the end, Santa reforms a bit and does good things for the kid.
This movie is all about the vulgarity and shock value. There’s a sort-of touching story about Santa helping the kid out, but he’s never the truly the good guy. If you’re a fan of raunchy jokes, Christmases gone bad and heroes that aren’t heroic, this is the one to see. As rumor has it, they’ve even got a sequel in the works, though I’d have to wonder where they could really go from here, now that the main character is reformed.
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) -
A classic that can be watched on both Christmas and Halloween, Tim Burton’s creation is nothing less than perfect. Following the tale of Jack (the Pumpkin King), we see how one top-notch scary guy can get disillusioned. Tired of Halloween, he accidently stumbles upon Christmas and decides to take over. Despite the warnings of the only person in his town that has her head on straight, Jack flies off into the night and messes everything up. Then he has to come back and rescue poor Santa so that he can fix it all.
This one is definitely good for kids. It’s a little scarier than your typical Christmas movie, but it’s clever and funny and more mature kids will likely fall in love with it. Parents beware - once you show it to them once, they will make you watch it over and over.
Die Hard (1988) -
While the only real Christmassy thing about Die Hard is that it happens to take place on the right day, this is an action flick that is great for the holidays. Watch as Bruce Willis runs around fighting terrorists. See guns shoot and bullets fly. Be astounded when things begin to explode. Die Hard is, as an action movie, at the top of its genre and well worth a watch when you’re trying to avoid another 72-hour Rudolph marathon.
The Ref (1992) -
Another one on the R-rated Christmas list, The Ref brings together the highly entertaining pair of Dennis Leary and Kevin Spacey. Leary plays a criminal named Gus that finds himself in trouble while robbing a house. He ends up kidnapping Lloyd (Spacey) and his wife to escape, eventually going to their place. Of course, it’s Christmas Eve, so all the family is coming over and then Leary has to navigate the entire mess while trying to avoid being caught by the police. Unfortunately, the entire family is neurotic and he appears to be the only one that can keep them in check.
This one is all about watching people yell at each other. If you’re a fan of Leary and his comedic style, you’ll like it. And pairing him up with Spacey was brilliant. It’s a fun and chaotic Christmas story with some sort-of happy endings.
Santa Claus (1959) -
Two words - pure nightmare. I’m not sure you can even find this one out there minus the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary, but you probably wouldn’t want to. Santa Claus is a creepy as hell Mexican movie about Santa fighting with the devil over the souls of children. Filled with such classic Christmas elements as Merlin the Wizard, robot reindeer, child-slave toy-makers, demonic dolls and the devil himself, you just can’t go wrong. Seriously, this thing will make you want hide in the closet come Christmas Day. But with the commentary, it’s one of the best Santa-themed flicks out there and luckily, you can watch it on YouTube, complete with the MST3K guys giving it the once-over.
Gremlins (1984) -
Another scary Christmas film, Gremlins is all about cute pets gone bad. A kid receives a very unusual gift one Christmas with instructions to never get it wet or feed it after midnight. Of course, he does both, and ends up breeding a huge pile of rabid monsters that try to destroy the town. While this movie isn’t too bad for older kids, it might be some serious nightmare fuel for the littler ones, particularly around Christmastime.
Edward Scissorhands (1990) -
Another Tim Burton movie, Edward Scissorhands is a modern-day fairy tale. A crazy scientist builds a man, but happens to die before he can complete him. Thus, he’s left with giant blades instead of fingers. He lives alone in the mysterious castle on the hill until accidently discovered. Pitying the poor guy, the lady that finds him brings him down into the “real” world and tries to integrate him into society. But prejudice and a lack of understanding lead to a less-than happy outcome.
This is one that is great for kids, though it can be a little intense for smaller kids. The happy ending is questionable at best, with everything pretty much going back to the way it was and the lesson learned is more like “people are jerks” than anything else. It also happens to be (IMO)
Photo Credits -
Bad Santa courtesy of ew.com
Nightmare Before Christmas courtesy of fanpop.com
Die Hard courtesy of moviemezzanine.com
The Ref courtesy of torontoist.com
Santa Claus courtesy of scratchbomb.com
Gremlins courtesy of filmschoolrejects.com
Edward Scissorhands courtesy of digitalspy.uk.co
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