Judgment Time: Originals vs. Remakes - The Future

So, since I’ve run out of older remakes and reboots to talk about (mostly because I haven’t seen one half or the other of the equation), I’ve decided to go where no man has gone before… into the future!  Instead of looking at what has already come and gone and examining the crater of damage that has been left behind, I am going to look at some remakes that are currently in development.  I will then pass my almighty judgment upon them and tell you, my dear readers, whether you should see the newer version or go running for the hills.  Enjoy this decent into madness.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Aug 2014) -

While the first TMNT movies were not exactly what one would call cinematic masterpieces, the coming of the reboot, courtesy of Michael “The Mediocre” Bay, fills me with nothing but dread.  Furthermore, Megan Fox has been cast as April O’Neil, presumably because Bay has been tricked into thinking she knows how to act.  But regardless of its obvious flaws, the franchise could have actually be improved if put into the hands of a competent team.  Giving it to Bay was a sure way to guarantee some box office returns, but the end product will turn out just like his Transformers flicks - filled with eye-candy action, devoid of any intelligent storytelling and completely unwatchable. 

My final judgment - Curse you Bay!  When will someone do us a favor and launch this man into outer space?

Oldboy (Nov 2013) -

It’s pretty hard to remake a movie like Park Chan-Wook’s Oldboy and expect to come out of it looking like anything other than a hack, but director Spike Lee thinks he is up to that challenge.  Will he be able to pull it off?  While I still remain 90% skeptical about any Asian film being given the once-over by America’s Hollywood and still being able to retain that which made the original great, I have been proven wrong once with The Departed.  And Lee, while not one of my preferred directors, is still skilled at what he does.  The question is going to be whether he really understands the cultural source material and can translate it well enough to keep the story strong.  And whether Josh Brolin can pull off his end of the bargain as the movie’s lead.  I am in strong doubt, but will reserve judgment until I see it for myself.

My final judgment - Wait for reviews.  You never know.

The Crow (2014?) -

Alright, here is where I get downright pissed.  The original, Brandon Lee-starring film was, in my opinion, one of the best vigilante films ever made.  It wasn’t an Academy Award-winner by any means, but the way it was put together combined with the ridiculous charm of Lee made it into a flick that I can watch repeatedly and have no problem recommending to anyone and everyone.  What will the new director, Javier Gutierrez do with it?  I’m going to guess ‘nothing good’.  And while we all know that this is just another remake that the world is going to regret, Gutierrez is claiming that it’s a “new interpretation”, not a remake.  Shove it up your… Anyways, you can read more about what’s going on with this movie by heading over to this place.

My final judgment - Burn Hollywood to the ground!  Blasphemy!

Daredevil (???) -

Anyone who has seen the Ben Affleck-starring version of Daredevil knows that even MichaelBay couldn’t screw the pooch worse that they did with that pile of crap.  Still, we luckily don’t have to deal with Bay touching it, as David Slade has taken on the directing job.  What has Slade done, you ask?  Well, a bunch of random crap including one movie which you may have heard of - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.  That doesn’t make me hopeful, but the fact that he also directed three episodes of one of my favorite shows ever, Hannibal, allows me to give this man the benefit of the doubt.  My biggest issue is whether it’s going to be just another Marvel movie, complete with generic struggle against evil and a mild tone that is constructed to reach as wide an audience as possible.  Of course, if they’re going with the Frank Miller storyline that they say they are, we could be looking at something much darker and much better.  For the latest info on Daredevil, you can head to Screenrant and read what they have to say about it. 

My final judgment - All things said, they couldn’t do any worse, right?

Highlander (???) -

This one is, gratefully, in a state of limbo.  Two directors and leading man Ryan Reynolds have all dropped out at this point and, although the wallets in Hollywood still want to make it, there is hope that the project will die forever.  I’m sorry folks, the first one may not be a cinematic whirlwind of great acting and masterful storytelling, but it is a classic of sci-fi and fantasy and it would be damn hard to measure up to it, let alone surpass the film that many of us love.

My final judgment - These morons are going to screw this one up big time.

Robocop (Feb 2014) -

While many people consider the first Robocop to be a masterwork of 80s sci-fi, I personally was not that impressed with it.  Sure, I like the movie and still enjoy watching it today, but there are so many ways that it could be improved that I’m inclined to have at least a little faith in the newer project.  And when you look at the people involved in the new movie, there’s even more reason to cling to hope - Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Keaton, Hugh Laurie… what more could you ask for?  Not the mention that the trailer looks pretty good as well.  I’m all about this one, though I could quickly change my tune come February of next year.

My final judgment - Probably going to be about as good as the first one.  Might as well check it out if you’re already a Robocop fan.

Photo Credits -           

Bay’s TMNT courtesy of geektyrant.com

Lee’s Oldboy courtesy of wagmsworld.com

The Crow courtesy of comingsoon.net

Daredevil courtesy of totalfilm.com

Highlander courtesy of cinemablend.com

Padilha’s Robocop courtesy of schmoesknow.com