Judgment Time: Originals vs. Remakes - Round 3

Ah yes, it is time once again for me to lay the smack-down on some reboots and remakes that didn’t make the grade.  Or, in those rare cases, give praise where it is due.  Unfortunately, this week consists mostly of me being angry and cursing a lot.  Okay, so maybe not so much cursing, but there’s really nothing good that has come out of the movies I’m about to cast judgment upon.  So read on and discover why I am right and the critics are often wrong.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) vs. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) -

The first Willy Wonka movie was pretty much a flick that should have never been remade.  With Gene Wilder (who can do no wrong in my eyes) leading the cast, the end result was a movie that was at times upbeat and child-like and at other times dark and, to put it quite frankly, fkn disturbing.  One of the most iconic movie scenes in the world came from this film (the one in the tunnel) and it still to this day inspires more dread in me than any modern horror flick.  Though it strayed from the original source material at times, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory was a masterpiece in its own way.

Now when Tim Burton took over, I thought that maybe we would get something just as dark.  Alas, while Burton brought the crazy (as he always does), it just didn’t have the same spirit as the original.  The end result was a light and sound show with some strangely ham-fisted changes to the story.  Sure, it was enjoyable in a certain way, but by no means measured up to the excellence of the first.

My final judgment - I’m pretty much on par with Rotten Tomatoes critics when they give the original an 89%, but have to side with audiences’ 52% on the second one.

The Shining (1980) vs. The Shining Mini-Series (1997) -

This will be a short discussion.  The original Shining was a true masterpiece made by one of the best directors to have ever existed.  Any chance the TV remake had of being embraced by fans was lost simply due to that fact.  While I can’t say I was repulsed by the newer entry, I do have to admit that all I was doing throughout the entire series was thinking to myself “Wow, that’s kind of a cool scene.  I wonder what Kubrick could have done with that.”  Thus, I may not be qualified to pass judgment.  In the end, I think the fact that the second production was made for TV killed it.  Would it have been better on the big screen?  The world shall never know.

My final judgment - Check out the newer one to satisfy your curiosity, but always remember that Kubrick is God.

Transformers: The Movie (1986) vs. Transformers (2007) -

The first Transformers movie was a cartoon playing off the fame of a cartoon television series.  For that reason, there are some fundamental differences between the two versions, the most important of which was the target audience.  While the first flick was made for kids, it still managed to be gritty and fun enough to continue to entertain us even today.  Sure, the character development is about on par with the new flick, but it’s for kids!  You don’t need that much advanced character development when your market is 10-year-olds.

When MichaelBay decided to take modern FX and bring the battling robots of our childhood to the big screen in live-action format, many of us had high hopes.  Of course, many of us didn’t realize what a raging douchebagBay is at that point.  Yes, we got big robots and big explosions, but we were also forced to suffer through Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox as they tried to act.  In the end, Bay created exactly what he set out to - a light show with almost no plot - even as he crushed the memories of many a childhood.

My final judgment - The critics at RT have it all wrong when they rate the first flick at 50%, but the audiences were a bit closer with 83%.  As for Bay’s pile of garbage, the 57/85% RT rating shows that people will watch anything.  Watch the old film with your kids and avoid the new film like the plague.

The Pink Panther (1963) vs. The Pink Panther (2006) -

This one is another no-brainer.  The original Pink Panther was lead by Peter Sellers, for God’s sake!  And even though I like Steve Martin, there’s no way he could follow that performance.  Of course, nobody even tried to compete with the original, as the new Pink Panther is little more than a movie for kids.  The slapstick gags are no longer clever, the writing is derivative of the first without having its spirit and at the end of the film you’re left feeling like someone just mugged you and stole two hours of your life.

My final judgment - Just ignore the new film.  RT has it pretty spot on with a 90% for the original, as well as with the 22% they give the remake.  Seriously though, there was just no reason to ever do this…

Photo Credits -           

Willy Wonka courtesy of geektyrant.com

The Shining courtesy of slate.com

Transformers courtesy of themovingarts.com

Pink Panther courtesy of imdb.com