Your child’s body, your child’s choice

Wood Sprite has been asking for super short hair for weeks. She had it really short when she was about four or five—above her ears all around, with bangs—and I did it myself. I just wasn’t confident doing it myself this time around, so I told her sure, but we’d have to wait and do it at the salon. She had her first salon visit today and we had a great time. As with everywhere we go, she made the beauticians crack up; three of them crowded around her to hear what she had to say about cowboys, Harry Potter, dinosaurs, “cool shoes,” and whatever else she wanted to talk about.

When she showed the stylist a picture of a boy’s short hair, the stylist looked at me nervously, then asked Wood Sprite if she was sure, and if she wanted to look at pictures of longer hair. Wood Sprite was adamant that she wanted a short “boy’s cut,” and I said, “It’s really okay. It’s what she wants.”

The stylists then gushed about what a great mom I am because I “let” her choose her own haircut, and it just flabbergasted me. I always forget that we are sadly “weird” in letting our kid make as many choices as she can—and have her own body autonomy. How many mothers do these stylists encounter every day, arguing over hair styles with their children, to make such a comment to me?

I shrugged and said, “Her hair, her choice.” Then we went on to talk about other things. I tipped them big because they did a great job and treated my daughter with respect, something I always appreciate. But I left feeling bittersweet—both proud of my assertive, creative, wonderful kiddo and sad that so many other kids can’t even have the freaking hair they want because their moms say no. Come on, it grows back! Can’t you pick a bigger battle for which to sharpen your sword?

Sorry, I’m reading a lot of Game of Thrones right now.

The point is, if you can’t let your child choose something as easy as her hairstyle, what is she going to do with the bigger choices in life? And if you can’t give her ownership of her own body now, who is she going to let control her body later when you’re not around?

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia