Unschooling is not unparenting

There has been a big uproar in a couple of unschooling communities that I belong in lately, and it really serves as an echo of why I am uncomfortable sharing much in these groups. I really enjoy the resources and fellowship—but I rarely post because I don’t want to be judged for who I am and what I believe in.

Two leaders in particular were at odds with each other. I won’t name names, though they are big voices in the unschooling world, and I really respect them both. I also really disagree with them both on different occasions. On this occasion, I have to state that I don’t feel that unschooling should be “unparenting,” or just leaving your kid to be on his own all the time.

It’s my job to keep my daughter safe. It’s my job to give her a healthy start by ensuring she bathes, brushes her teeth, and doesn’t watch movies like The Shining to dull her senses or keep her terrified at the age of seven. (Dude, I let her watch Scooby Doo and that scares her already.) Yes, it is my job to give her as many choices as possible, to help her find and follow her passions, and help her be as free as possible—but it’s also my job to be her mother.

Laurie Couture is a great speaker and unschooling activist, and while I also don’t always agree with her, I would like to share this blog post that she created that further explains what I am talking about. I really like how she compares unschooling to a natural, organic process that we used naturally as developing primates—and how much of what is done today just doesn’t fit in with that description. To me, this view of unschooling reminds me of the film Beasts of the Southern Wild. It was such a wonderful movie, but as much as I loved it, Hushpuppy using a blowtorch in her house—a house separate from her father’s—just isn’t something I think is appropriate for kids. Or teens. Or even most adults. Know what I mean?

So no, I don’t often share that I limit my daughter’s sweets—she gets to pick out whatever she wants, but there is a limited number each week. I don’t share that while I let her stay up late when I can, I do have to work at night and encourage her to go to bed by a certain time. (She is much, much happier the next day after those nights, too.) I have other unschoolers in my life whom I don’t mind sharing these details with, but I have seen how the radical unschooling community treats people who aren’t into “total freedom” and I don’t want to experience that. I’ve also noticed some borderline fat hatred in the unschooling community, which also disturbs me. Then again, that’s kind of everywhere though, isn’t it?

I don’t mean to rant. Well, to only rant, anyway! I only mean to demonstrate how diverse unschoolers are and how our own philosophies vary greatly, too. I still have a great deal of respect for many radical homeschoolers and can learn a lot from them—but part of being free means that I don’t need to accept everything they say as holy commandments to follow, either.

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia