Pray for a strong-willed child

While browsing through the library’s parenting section the other day, I ran across a book called When Your Child Has a Strong-Willed Personality. It was all about understanding what your child needs and helping him adapt—or so the cover read. It’s written by two doctors, but it reads like it is either written by a non-native speaker or someone who doesn’t know how to write, because it’s just rambling, unorganized and very, very dull. It’s also full of advice that makes me bristle. Did you know that kids who think that they can make their own choices are “strong-willed” and that is something you must deal with?

I’ll tell you what, progressive parents. Pray for a strong-willed child. I was an obedient, pleasing, “good girl” who not only was physically and emotionally abused by daycare providers and a couple of friends—I was still pleasing people in my 20s. I had no idea what I wanted in life; all I knew was that I needed to be pleasing and as perfect as possible, to make everyone around me happy and to stifle my own desires. To this day, I apologize all day long, and for what? My existence?

That’s bull, moms and dads. And I do not want that for my kid, and I hope you don’t, either. When daughters and sons are “good kids,” people often mean that they are obedient and make life easier for you as a teacher, parent, professional. This is wrong. Children should all be considered good people, whether they are obedient and pleasing or not. In fact, studies show that misbehaving is linked to being a successful entrepreneur; who knows what else “weak-willed children” are missing out on.

Photo of strong-willed Wood Sprite's anti-smoking ad, courtesy of Sara S.