I really am quite lucky

Several of the mothers that I know always tell me how lucky I am because my husband is so hands-on in our child’s life. He attends most activities with us and actively plays with Wood Sprite. He often takes her swimming or to play basketball at the rec center, for example, while I work. Lately his schedule has been all over the place since he landed a new job, so it’s been difficult to manage my work time. He also helps around the house, cooking and doing dishes, and moms gush over how incredible that is.

Most of these moms don’t have jobs outside of homeschooling and parenting, so I often get very irritated when they say things like this to me. Not only do I work full time and make nearly as much as he does (though that should not matter), but I also grew up in a family similar to ours. My dad was very hands-on with us and my mother worked as well. I feel like these moms are acting like my husband is doing me some sort of favor—like those men who call taking care of their own kids “babysitting”—and it really irks me because we consider ourselves partners. We take care of each other; we take care of our family. We always have. Though the work balance hasn’t always been equal, we’ve always tried to make it so.

When I called my mom to whine about this, she told me right away, “When people tell me that I’m lucky to have your dad, I say I know I am! He’s a good man and we work well together.” Duh. Of course I should say that. Not only does getting irritated not stop people from making assumptions about my role due to my gender, but it also fails to acknowledge that I do, indeed, have a very supportive and awesome husband. I never stopped to consider how he feels when I get angry about these comments. I’m sure he’d much rather I say, “Yep, I know I’m lucky!”

My sisters and I like to joke that my parents—particularly my dad—set a high standard, but they totally did. And they’re still together after 30 years. I hope to be that lucky, and from now on I will be proud to acknowledge how lucky I already am.

Photo courtesy of Sara S.  Although Papa, as Sprite calls him, is not the only father who attends homeschool days and activities with our main group, he is often the only one present in our smaller, more rural group--as he was during this field trip to Meramec Caverns.