Deschooling ourselves

Gods. That’s what I grew up thinking that all adults—especially teachers and other authority figures—were. Many of the overachievers, type-A personalities and general honor roll kids I grew up with felt the same way. We stayed in line, did what we were told and thought it would get us far in life. For some of us, it worked—but it really depends on what you mean by “far.”

I’m still de-schooling myself. I’m still so shy, and so uncertain of so many things that I do without someone’s approval. I can’t even approach a table of moms in our co-op without feeling tongue-tied because obviously they are adults and authorities about life and I’m just a kid. No matter how many times I tell myself that I am a grown woman now, that my opinions and my feelings count as much as anyone else’s and that these are my peers, I have not yet been able to completely shake off this psychosis. I’m trying.

I crave approval like crack. Awards, patches, trophies—Wood Sprite could care less about these things but I hoard my own, even still, even when I claim that they do not matter. I have removed a bunch of arbitrary educational goals from my bucket list—like getting a PhD—that I had years ago. I don’t even know why I had them. I guess I thought that they were things I “should” do with my life. My list of what is important and what matters the most to me has drastically changed so much in a decade! I cannot even imagine how it will look in another ten years.

You would think that so much shifting would include some change away from that people pleasing, approval-craving mentality, and it has, but I cannot believe that it’s still there—even after I’ve worked hard to kick it and after I’ve denounced such behavior, period. Aren’t habits supposed to be able to be broken in 40 days or something? And when I do try to make strides by saying how I feel or saying no to something, I usually end up just pissing people off or disappointing them. Is that supposed to happen? Because it feels like crap. Of course, it also feels like crap when you do things you don’t want to do, too.

A lot of unschooling parents go through the unschooling process with themselves as well as their children. How was your experience? If you were ever the people pleasing type, how did you quit?

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