Sugar alcohols: how are these even legal?

I guess a lot of people must be immune to the grievous gastrointestinal effects of sugar alcohols like maltitol. But I am not one of them. Nor do I know anyone who is. Clearly these hilarious Amazon reviewers are not immune, because their reviews of sugar-free Haribo gummi bears make it quite clear what happens if you eat too many of them. And for most people, "too many" means "more than maybe two in a 24-hour period."

Sugar alcohols like maltitol and sorbitol are often used in candy and other sweets for a variety of reasons. And the real curse of it is, they taste good. Really good. So good that you will be delighted that your sugar-free candy doesn't taste like a chemical factory, which will encourage you to eat "too many" (i.e. more than two).

And then you will be sorry.

Oh, so sorry.

I had a bad encounter with maltitol about six months ago in the form of sugar-free Werthers candies. I was so excited that they tasted so good, I ate a huge handful. Boy did I regret it. The next day I warily returned to the bag. This time I only had one. Guess what? Extreme gastrointestinal distress was still the result.

Sensitivity to maltitol also explains all the trouble I had that one year when I ate a lot of Balance bars (sweetened with maltitol) because my boyfriend at the time was convinced that The Zone was the one true path to weight loss. Neither of us lost any weight, which in my case was a miracle, considering how much time I spent in the bathroom. I even saw a doctor about it, got the barium test, the whole thing. Not once did the doctor ask if I had considered cutting sugar alcohols out of my diet. HELLO.

The crazy thing is that something like this, which affects so many people so strongly, is still a legal ingredient in food. Talk about "buyer beware." (And don't miss all the great prankster stories on this Metafilter thread. If you hate your office mates, toss a handful of sugar-free gummi bears in the office candy dish. Yikes!)

Image courtesy Flickr/arbyreed