Nature’s crazy mating rituals

As living, breathing creatures, it is within our genetic coding to desire sex for the purpose of mating.  Although this has evolved over the years and now we, as thinking creatures, can choose to experience sex for pleasure alone, other animals of the world don’t have it so lucky.  Some critters, in fact, have a pretty rough time of mating.  Mating rituals of beasts and insects are some pretty bizarre things, resulting in anything from genital mutilation to outright death.  But hey, it takes all kinds, right?  Here are just a few of the more interesting mating details that I managed to find.

Flatworms: Not an exciting creature, to say the least, but flatworms do happen to be hermaphrodites, possessing of both male and female capabilities.  In order for one to impregnate another, a pair of flatworms will duel with their penises, each trying to impale the other.  The loser becomes pregnant and the winner goes about their business.

Snails: Similar to flatworms, snails do not follow the typical rules of male-female division.  Instead, they attack each other with their penises, stabbing for the neck where the reproductive organs are.  This can sometimes result in death to one or the other, if their opponent’s aim is poor.

Honey Bees: If you think penis duels are bad, what about losing your junk altogether?  That’s the way drones do it in the honey bee world.  Following a mating with the queen, their genitals fall off, still attached.  This has the nasty side-effect of killing the male drone, but it does ensure that rivals for reproduction will have a harder time of it.  Probably not the most reassuring trade-off.

Argentine Lake Ducks: These ducks have what most human men desire - a penis over a foot long.  The female of the species is incredibly reluctant when it comes to mating, so the males will sometimes lasso their potential mates - yes, with their penis - in order to keep them from fleeing.

Anglerfish: One of the creepiest strange-alien-like mating programs is that of the anglerfish.  In order to breed, the males of the species latch onto and feed from the females.  In the process, they are absorbed into the female’s body.  Eventually, they become little more than a sperm pouch for when the female feels like fertilizing its eggs.  The entire process is explained in more amusing detail via The Oatmeal.

Sea Slug: A fairly recent discovery, it turns out that the sea slug has a disposable penis.  After the mating ritual is complete, the thing falls off, no longer needed.  Of course, they still have more breeding to do, so when they need to get back to it, a back-up penis emerges.  They have, essentially, a coil of penis that tears off the last used bit when they’re done.

So once again thank whatever deity you worship that you were made human.  No disposable or violent penises to worry about and no dying once you’re through.  Let’s just leave all that strange and dangerous stuff to the animal world and stick to using our brains to enhance our kinkiness instead.

Bowerbird photo courtesy of Phil via Wikicommons