Is 'The Host' the worst movie ever?

I want my weekend back. If I'm being more specific, I want the two hours I just spend in a dark, uncrowded movie theater watching The Host back. I'm not sure why I decided to ignore the little voice inside me screaming "No!" I did, though, and I went to see the latest adaptation of a Stephenie Meyer novel on the big screen. I'm not exaggerating when I say this might just be one of the worst films I've seen in a theater in more than a decade, and believe me, I've seen some stinkers.

At this point, I'm past denial ("Oh, this really isn't that bad") and in full-on anger mode. I'm looking for someone to blame for what I just witnessed. Let me start by saying that yes, I've read The Host. I read it when it was first released in 2008. In fact, I'm sitting here staring at my copy of the book, wondering why I actually liked it. I remember at the time enjoying the story, and thinking "Gee, this is so not at all like Twilight."

That's right: I'm not a Twilight fan, but I am a proud aunt who loves to stay "cool" with her nieces, so I read the books. All of them. I joined Team Edward so I could have conversations with the nieces about something that interested them at the time. But yeah, I didn't really like the whole Twilight thing.

The Host? Now that was a book I truly enjoyed reading. The story was just science fiction enough for my taste, and yes, there is romance involved. But at it's core, to me, The Host was about an alien race that is taking over Earth by possessing the souls of humans. And it's about some of those humans who fight back against the invasion, including Melanie Stryder. If you haven't read the book, I assure you, it isn't about the great writing (apologies to Ms. Meyer's fans). It's about the story itself - that is what made The Host interesting. And it is why, despite reading some of the most hilariously bad reviews I've ever read for a new movie, I made my way to the theater this past weekend. Hey, I hit the jackpot with a decent Olympus Has Fallen experience, so why not try for a repeat, right?

Wrong. So. Very. Wrong. I wanted to like The Host movie. I tried to like it. But just 10 minutes in, the denial began: It really isn't that bad, is it? Surely it will get better. I love Saoirse Ronan, and there just no way she'd be in a truly bad movie, no, never ever.

I'm here to tell you that I can almost always find at least one positive thing to say about any film, even a mediocre one. I can't with The Host. I'm trying, I really am. All I can do is sit here wondering where everything went so wrong? How can a film with such an interesting premise be executed so poorly on so many levels?

If I'm pointing fingers, I'm not going to blame Stephenie Meyer. The story in The Host book is so much better than what I saw on screen. I'm not going to blame Saoirse Ronan, either, because she does what she can with the on screen version of Melanie Stryder. It's not that her acting is bad - it's that the things she's saying are so utterly ridiculous that I began laughing...and then I wound up furious.

I should've known better. When I saw the whole "from the creator of the Twilight Saga" promotional spots I suspected this wouldn't be an Oscar winner. But I can't believe I was naive enough to actually think they wouldn't Twilight this story to the max. Argh! My biggest problem with The Host: The silly dialogue.

But that's not the only problem with the film - far from it: The Host completely ignores the science fiction angle (in my opinion) and goes straight for non-stop romance. Instead of focusing on the struggle for control going on within Melanie, it just falters so badly. The narrative strays so far off course so early on in the film, and it never comes back to center.

So, who can I blame the most for The Host? I'm pointing the finger squarely at Andrew Niccol, who wrote the adaptation and directed the film. What was he thinking?! Did no one pull him aside to tell him this just wouldn't work well? I guess I should spread the blame around a bit, and also point fingers at the studio for turning The Host into a dumbed down Twi-Hard kind of film (yes, I said dumbed down).

How is it possible for a not-crappy book to become an instant contender for Worst Movie of 2013? The only conclusion I can come to that I can live with right now, is that in The Host book, so much of the story takes place in Melanie's head, between her and the soul who invades her (Wanderer, or "Wanda"). It was simply too much to ask for that this action translate to the big screen. Niccol tried, but the result was completely absurd.

Everything in The Host movie feels rushed and forced. Things unfolded more slowly in the book, giving us time to care about the characters and understand the threat of The Seeker. Watching the film, I didn't care what happened to anyone after a while, I really didn't.

Did anyone else read The Host and like it? If so, have you seen the movie adaptation? I'd love to hear what you thought. For now, I'm (regrettably) adding The Host to a growing list of books I liked that flopped as films.

Photos courtesy of ABC News and People.com