Five lit classics that should be remade by Baz Luhrmann next

With the amazing opening weekend numbers that Gatsby enjoyed, you can be sure that Hollywood is eyeing classic literature with its knife and fork at the ready. Which books should Baz Luhrmann tackle next?

1. Shirley Jackson, The Lottery
Jackson's terrifying work is considered one of the greatest American short stories of all time. I read it in high school English class, and I bet you did too, because the theme is that "conformity kills." If all your friends were stoning someone to death, would you stone them too?

I can see this movie featuring a big song and dance number as the joyful townsfolk step up to the wooden box and draw out their slip of paper. At the end, slips of paper marked with black dots rain down from the sky while Vegas dancers step-kick across a cornfield.

(Of course, they kind of already did this, and it was called The Hunger Games. But I love The Hunger Games, so I can't snark too hard.)

Image courtesy Flickr/louveciennes

2. Marcel Proust, A la recherché du temps perdu
Considered one of the works everyone should read before they die (although most people will not), this masterpiece of French literature ties together themes of love, loss, memory, and nostalgia at a time when the world, on the brink of WWI, was on the verge of changing forever.

Whether you call it Remembrance of Things Past or you're one of those upstart whippersnappers who call it In Search of Lost Time, Proust's masterpiece of an invalid's introspection is just dying to get jazzed up a little, don't you think?

I'm envisioning a huge set piece where women in flapper costumes spin across the stage, holding cholera handkerchiefs to their mouths, while dipping cartoonishly oversized madelines into a central spinning, gem-bedazzled teacup. For the big finale, glitter bombs cause a cascade of sparkles, and everyone swoons delicately to the floor.

Image courtesy Flickr/alaina.buzas

3. John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
This grim tale of dust bowl desperation and migratory farm workers is as relevant today as it was in 1939. Steinbeck's goal was to drive his readers to rage at the plight of the working class people who were devastated by the Great Depression. I think we in the 99% can relate to that.

I'm picturing a modern-day adaptation where the Joads lose their farm and set out to California in a desperate attempt to survive… where they fall spectacularly into the arms of Hollywood!

Instead of farming, patriarch Tom Joad takes up ballroom dancing. He persuades the kind and gentle Ma Joad - blushing madly - onto the dance floor for the big number, which involves kicky modern flour sack mini-dresses and stripper style tear-away overalls.

Lose the dust; bring on the fabulous!

Image courtesy Flickr/hunter.gatherer

4. J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
This is an obvious choice for Luhrmann-ination. Themes of teenage angst and frustration and "phonies" (the hipsters of the 1950s) translate perfectly into modern terms. Maybe in the Luhrmann remake, Holden Caulfield becomes the lead singer in a boy band. (Instead of the obvious choice, which is to turn him into a school shooter, spurred to mass murder by the indifference of his friends and classmates to his Facebook page.)

You still can't say "the F word" in a PG-rated movie, though. So the Luhrmann film, just like the book itself, would most likely be censored.

Image courtesy Flickr/jason ilagan

5. George Orwell, 1984
A tale of forbidden love in an age of governmental mind control. I swear to you, every year is more Orwellian than the year before. Now we have unmanned surveillance drones spying on and shooting people, not to mention networks of CCTV cameras and internet wiretapping to rival any evil government surveillance system Orwell ever dreamed of. I mean, 1984 is basically playing out in the real world right now in North Korea, no joke.

This book is dark and kind of a bummer, but so is "Romeo and Juliet," and Baz was able to pep that one up pretty well! I'm seeing something with a retro-80s pop culture flair, lots of Madonna and Billy Idol and WHAM! And neon hair scrunchies. And instead of betraying Julia to the government, Winston Smith is tortured by the Noid and confesses that she secretly hates Rubix Cubes.

Main image courtesy Flickr/Never House