Accepting the chaos

I had a conversation tonight with a middle-aged friend whom I love and respect. In her 60 years of life, she has seen some amazing things, traveled to faraway destinations and come out with a shaman like understanding of life. Being able to hear her speak about her experiences and then go on to tell me that she believes my vagabond antics will lead to good outcomes, is both humbling and reassuring. What made the conversation take an interesting turn though was when she referred to my future as a “question.”

With the notion of careers becoming a thing of the past, divorce rates flying through the roof and people living longer, 20s have become a pivotal, yet mercurial time in life. While those of us in the “Millennial Generation,” probably hear stories of our parents becoming adults around our age, the fact is, our 20s are much different from the preceding generations.

We grew up in time of abundance and wealth, but recessions, unemployment, student debt and polarized politics have rapidly changed the landscape which we face. Baby boomers are less willing to leave their jobs, and more so than not, people in their twenty-somethings find themselves in a weird limbo of pseudo-adulthood. So how does one use this time to set their roots in fertile soil? That seems to be the million dollar question.

While a Google search for “advice for 20s,” will render you lists and lists of what people in their 20s need to do, or the “11 most awful, terrible, horrible things you could ever do to your future in your 20s (exaggerated title),” I think the answer therein lies in how we approach the “question.” If we decide to look through the lens of my sage-like middle-aged friend, our 20s will almost indefinitely be spent finding answers to the conundrum of, “ What the fuck am I doing?”

While we have all had the WTF moments, I think looking at our 20s as a question that needs to be answered is similar to looking at peace through the lens of war. 20s are a vibrant, fun and interesting time, and instead of constantly fearing the uncertainty, maybe instead we need to embrace it.

So how does one use their 20s to grow and learn? The first step is learning what you yourself actually desire. It’s so easy to fall into the footsteps of what family, friends, or society would like us to do, but the only person who should be in the driver’s seat is you. Not everyone can survive, let alone thrive, traversing a pre-laid path, so your only real obligation in this time is to find and define yourself.

While some may search in working toward a certain career, others may find it through wandering, schooling or other mediums. Regardless of what your avenue may be, this is the time where you should be learning and exploring. Take a class on something you've been interested in for a long time. Go travel to a place that excites you. Skip the social event with the same tired crew and head to a place where no one knows you. These are the places where the moments we remember are born.

Along with all these opportunities, the most important thing anyone can do is putting themselves in situations that make them uncomfortable, pushing the limits and making mistakes. We live in a society of fear, believing that if we reach one closed door that the world has ended. Making mistakes and failing is all part of the process. If fear is the greatest opponent of growth, then learning to conquer that little voice telling you something is impossible is the golden ticket to prosperity. We’ll only learn to get up if we've experienced falling down.

There is an Elvish…I mean J.R.R Tolkien quote from Lord of the Rings trilogy that states, “Not all those who wander are lost…” While this quote is completely molested by high school year books and personal bios alike, it speaks truth about the notion of embracing the opaque years of one’s 20s. These years are catalyst for development and growth, and if done right, will spell only success in the future. In the same poem Tolkien says that, “The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost.” Take every opportunity you can to find the lush soil in which to lay your roots during your obfuscated 20s. 

Photo courtesy of author.